


Wedding Song

by ProstheticLoVe



Series: I'm Waiting For My Man [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Domestic Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher, Mickey's thoughts on marriage, POV Mickey Milkovich, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Season 3 Finale, season 10 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProstheticLoVe/pseuds/ProstheticLoVe
Summary: Mickey thinks about marriage moments before each of his weddings to very different people.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: I'm Waiting For My Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673368
Comments: 14
Kudos: 125





	Wedding Song

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No one belongs to me! If they did there would be more Gallavich scenes! Pretty domesticated ones too.
> 
> Hi! This is a one shot, but it's also part of a larger story in the series. If you'd like to read the series, this story could be set between CH5 and CH6, but like I said, you can read it alone. I was asked by a few people namely Liz and PrettyCalypso to include this scene in my fic about the evolution of Gallavich kisses, but I couldn't work it in organically, so this was created. I'm a sucker for season 10 Gallavich stories anyway and have enjoyed writing them so far, so I wanted to dive into Mickey's thoughts before the wedding. Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy! Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought. 
> 
> And stay healthy and safe out there! 
> 
> The title is taken from Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

_"You're the breath that I breathe"_

_-Wedding Song By Yeah Yeah Yeahs_

* * *

Mickey never really thought about marriage. 

It was a waste of time in his opinion. 

From an early age, he realized that he didn’t actually want to get married to any of the girls who circled his peripheral. 

Later, he realized that had more to do with the fact he just wasn’t attracted to any of them. At first, he figured they weren’t his type, but as his brothers brought home more and more girls or talked about fucking that chick or fingering that bitch, he realized he wasn’t like other boys.

His eyes didn’t linger on taut breasts and shiny, tan legs.

They lingered on sweaty teenage abs and round, tight asses.

By the time he was 12, he figured there was something wrong with him. 

It only made sense with the way his dad fag-bashed when he felt that a man wasn’t particularly manly enough.

In Mickey’s mind, he wasn’t sure why he was the way he was, but he didn’t like it. So he told himself he’d never get married because really, who would want him when he wasn’t attracted to what everyone else seemed to be.

Who would want a freak like Mikhailo Milkovich?

Mickey certainly knew that he wasn’t what most people wanted - he was rude, short, loud, and violent.

So from a fairly early age, he took marriage off the table.

As 12 became 13 and 14 and 15, he realized that he wasn’t exactly alone in feeling the way he did about the same sex. He wasn’t exactly a freak feeling attracted to men, but he didn’t like who he was.

He hated being attracted to the same sex.

Loathed it in fact.

What was being gay really serving him except making him feel more disconnected to everyone around him? 

He had never met anyone like him before. He’d only seen gay characters on TV when Mandy watched that show about the guys who were fashionable and he most certaintly wasn’t fashionable. 

In fact, he was seen by many as the dirtest boy on the block and that was a label he was okay with.

It was better than being the only fag on the block, that was for sure.

So the desire to get married and be with someone forever was definitely off the table. It wasn’t even really on the table long enough to be considered.

After all, it wasn’t like Mickey had really ever seen a functional relationship. His parents were not functional - his father an abuser and his mother a junkie were as far from parents of the year as you could get.

His relatives weren’t any better and his older brothers just talked about banging as many bitches as possible and avoiding knocking any up. 

His only knowledge about marriage, like being gay, was on TV or in the movies or the occasional book he picked up. 

It seemed far away, a fantasy world that would never really touch his life.

He already knew his future and he was fucked for life, which made it weirder when his father told him he was to marry the Russian when she claimed to be pregnant with his unwanted child. 

Leading up to his wedding, Mickey felt probably like how a pirate felt - as if he were walking the plank. 

Each day that inched closer to the the 31st of March, Mickey felt like he was taking one more step toward a world of the unknown and he didn’t really like that.

Most days he tried not to think about the fact he was going to have to marry a woman who he barely knew, wasn’t attracted to, and who had - who had - well. it wasn’t her fault, but still. _That_ day wasn’t going anywhere from his mind any time soon. 

As much as he tried to pretend it didn’t bother him.

For the rest of his life, he was stuck with this woman, whose name he could barely pronounce and who made his stomach turn every time he looked at her.

Once the 31st of March happened, he knew that the life he knew was going to be over. And he wasn’t just talking about having to deal with some nagging wife and a crying baby. He was also thinking about Ian Gallagher. 

The man who had made him feel...things he had never truly felt before. While he’d never thought about marriage per say, after spending time with Ian, he allowed his mind to wander...to something a bit more serious with the redhead.

Sometimes he imagined they owned a house together far away from Chicago and the life he had grown up in.

Occasionally, he allowed his mind to concoct a life where Ian worked as some do-gooder job like a teacher or doctor or whatever and he’d work as a chef - he’d always secretly liked cooking - and they’d come home together and Mickey would make him dinner…

Some daydreams featured a dog.

Once, he thought of kids running around.

Ian and him together as more than just fuck buddies was a frequent dream that he allowed himself to consider, if only for a second before reality came crashing back around him.

When he was in juvie the last time, he couldn’t help but think about what life would be like if he and Ian shacked up together, long-term.

Of course, Mickey wasn’t talking about marriage or nothing like that, but just something consistent and secure. 

Maybe once he’d imagined marriage, but gay marriage wasn’t legal, so he knew it wasn’t really something he’d ever have to think about.

What Mickey wanted was something he could rely on, since the only time he felt truly at peace was when he was with Gallagher.

But none of that really mattered when he was to marry Svet-whatever. 

The whore supposedly carrying his baby.

Or his new brother.

But Terry had made it clear that he was to marry her whether he liked it or not because he wasn’t going to have an AIDS monkey as his son.

Mickey’s stomach hurt at the very thought of that insult and the words tumbling from Terry mouth, so he knew that he had to do what he said. 

Or else, as Terry had threatened.

* * *

The day of the wedding Mickey couldn’t sit still. From the time he’d woken up that morning, he’d been drinking beer, smoking weed, and taking shots. He’d changed at the house into the suit that was too large for him and then took another shot, but no matter how much he drank or smoked it didn’t seem to be enough. 

Somehow, he still felt sober and the pit that rested in his stomach since Terry had told him - threatened him - to marry the Russian seemed to expand until he felt full of anxiety.

He knew what he was doing was wrong. It wasn’t what he wanted - it was what Terry wanted.

But he couldn’t back out.

Terry had threatened Ian and Mickey wasn’t going to call his bluff if he didn’t go through with it. Terry also would kill him if he didn’t go through with it, so there was that too. 

Mickey had always known he was fucked for life, but he never knew that his ending would be to a woman he didn’t know and a baby he didn’t want. 

He’d figure he’d at least end up in jail for murder or something.

But he knew a happy ending wasn’t in the cards for him.

He was a Milkovich and they didn’t get happy endings. 

He had been wandering around the community center watching as everyone prepared the wedding for them, but as they arranged the seats, set out the food, and people started flooding in, he had to leave.

He had to escape, so he settled for the basement where he could be alone and smoke a cigarette without anyone breathing down his neck. 

At first, he tried to sit down, but as he heard the scrapping of chairs and the clicking of heels above, he began to pace the kitchen basement trying to fend off the urge to truly run away. 

He reached up to loosen his tie for what felt like the fiftieth time and took a drag on his third cigarette when the door banged open and spat out Ian Gallagher.

For a moment, he almost wished that Ian was here to rescue him, but Terry’s threat of throwing Ian’s body into Lake Michigan drifted through his mind and he reminded himself that there was no backing out. 

This was his fate and he had to make sure he didn’t give in to Ian.

“You call me a punk for wanting a boyfriend or whatever, but you’re going to marry somebody who screws guys for a living?” Ian exclaimed and Mickey felt his stomach drop at the realization that Ian wasn’t here to save him, but to tell him off for marrying a woman. 

Mickey figured he had probably broken gay code 101 or some shit. 

“Who gives a shit. It’s a fucking piece of paper.”

“Not to me.” Ian said sadly.

Mickey shrugged not know how to respond to that. To him, who had never thought about getting married and who was only marrying this woman because Ian may get hurt, it was nothing more than a contract. This contract basically stated that he was not gay, his dad had won, and Ian wouldn’t end up as a body to forget in the lake.

And if there was a baby in the mix, that wasn’t such a big deal.

He watched as Ian shook his head and moved to walk away - back out the door, but Mickey didn’t want him to leave just yet. He had a sinking suspicion that if Ian left now, he wouldn’t see him again any time soon. He needed to stop him before he got too far and he knew the only thing to do to stop him was entice him with the fact that they didn’t have to end their physical relationship - just any burgeoning development of an intimate one.

Mickey didn’t think it would be so hard to do that, after all, the only relationship they’d ever really had was sex. 

Sure, they talked, but well, Mickey had wanted to limit that because he knew the more he got to know Gallagher the more he may - possibly decide he liked him as more than a booty call.

He wasn’t stupid though. 

He knew that Ian wanted more. 

He didn’t know why, but he knew that Ian wanted more than just to fuck and Mickey wasn’t really sure if he was ready to give more. 

He’d never been in a relationship, but more importantly, he didn’t really understand why anyone would want him.

No one else had in his life.

What did Ian Gallagher see in him that even his own parents hadn’t?

And that right there was dangerous to Mickey - to put all of his trust and emotions and whatever the fuck else positive he felt into one human, named Ian Gallagher just seemed bat shit crazy to him.

Which is probably why, while not his first choice, marrying a whore he didn’t care about was probably the safest bet. 

He didn’t have to worry about having to let someone down or be the general disappointment he was told he was his entire life.

Besides, Ian had already shown that Mickey was easily replaced when he started fucking fellow ROTC members and men old enough to be his great grandfather, but for reasons Mickey didn’t understand, he always came back to him.

He just hoped that this time was no different.

“Hey, come on, look - just cause I’m getting hitched doesn’t mean we can’t still bang. Okay?” he said trying to get Ian to understand. 

Ian began to turn back around and Mickey could see that he looked pissed and desperate. The realization made a tightness form in his chest.

“If you give half a shit about me, Mickey.” He exclaimed taking steps toward him until he stood a few inches from him.

Mickey could see he wasn’t backing down and reached a hand out to stop him from coming closer, “hey, hey.” he said taking a step back and trying to keep him at arm’s distance. He knew what would happen if Ian closed the distance between them and he wasn’t sure he had the strength to say no to him.

“Don’t do this.” Ian pleaded looking right into Mickey’s eyes and he felt the desperation hit him hard in the chest. He took in a shaky breath and blue and green met one another as they head each other’s gaze steady.

When their eyes connected, Mickey felt a sudden desperate need to make him feel better. He didn’t want Ian to feel like they had to say goodbye and frankly, he didn’t understand the big deal if he was married anyway.

It _was_ just a piece of paper.

And Ian had fucked married guys before.

Mickey knew he didn’t suddenly grow a conscious overnight.

But looking into his eyes now, Mickey suddenly realized that maybe he meant more to Ian that he had initially thought. While Mickey felt torn inside and hopeless to make Ian feel better, he also felt a growing forlornness upon the realization that Ian was feeling just like he was and maybe there was something deeper there.

“Half. Don’t do this.” Ian whispered and Mickey gulped as the melancholic tone reached his ears. He couldn’t understand how Ian could think he didn’t care, when in reality, all he cared about was Ian. 

He was doing this for Ian.

He wished that he had the ability to tell him this wasn’t what he wanted and Terry had threatened him if he didn’t go through with it. 

He wished that he had the strength to tell Ian the truth - that maybe he could love him - honestly, he probably already did, that sometimes he dreamt of a future with them together, he really liked it when he kissed his shoulder in the moments before he orgasmed, and he especially wanted to tell him that he really liked it when he tugged his hair while they were in throes of passion. 

If they had more time, Mickey would tell him that he did care about him and he missed him every time he was in juvie and when he put his hand up to the glass and came to visit him that first time he was ecstatic to see him. 

Maybe if they had more time, Mickey would finally be able to tell him all of that, but as it were, he was due to get married in a half hour. 

But since they didn’t have time and because Mickey did care, he searched Ian’s face for one ounce of hope that showed him that Gallagher possibly couldn’t think that he was so callously marrying the Russian and tossing him away so easily; so because he couldn’t say it - physically couldn’t wrap his tongue around the words - he moved to kiss him instead.

And Ian met him halfway because that’s how they had forever been.

Ian always met him halfway, no matter what.

Mickey poured all of those unsaid things and more into the kiss because he had enough time to show Ian just a snapshot of what they could’ve had together - a life they could’ve shared.

* * *

Seven years after his first wedding, Mickey Milkovich stood in his bedroom with his future husband as they both got ready for the upcoming ceremony. He was still wearing his clothes from earlier as he sat on the bed massaging his wrist where the handcuff had been rubbing against the skin. There was a thin, red line around his wrist and Ian was rubbing some ointment over it muttering about stupid EMT shit, but it was the fact he was taking care of him that really got to Mickey.

It warmed him to know that the choice he was making was the right one. 

Ian was it.

And watching him gently care of even the smallest wound on him solidified that. 

“What if I really have to marry Debbie?” Mickey asked, breaking the silence.

Ian’s head shot up and an uncomfortable look infiltrated his eyes. “Don’t say that.” He paused to blow on the ointment to make it dry faster. “You’re marrying _me_. We’ll figure out how to get out of the Debbie thing when we get there.”

“Yeah, but--”

“Mickey, I’m not letting you marry someone else and I’m not watching it happen again.” Ian said sharply and Mickey’s mouth snapped shut. He looked down at where Ian was still holding his wrist in his hand.

“Do you remember coming to see me before I got married to Svet?” Mickey asked quietly.

Ian groaned and stood up to reach for his black suit that was hanging in the closet. He was also wearing his clothes from early and had yet to actually start getting ready. 

After Lip had sent them upstairs to start getting ready, Ian had immediately released Mickey and noticed the handcuff chafing him. They got into an argument about Mickey not having said anything about being hurt and Ian feeling guilty until V reminded them they had to get a move on.

Which is what lead them upstairs, still bickering, as Ian put ointment on him. Watching him, Mickey’s mind cast back to years before when he was getting married to Svetlana. Because when you’re on your second marriage, you can’t really help but think about the first one apparently. 

He thought about how Ian had burst into that kitchen - it felt like eons ago just because of all the shit they had gone through since then. 

At the time, getting married seemed like the end of everything between them and now, here they were with so many other terrible times also behind them. 

Bipolar disorder diagnosis.

Cheating.

Psychotic episodes.

Jail

Escaping jail.

Mexico.

Fucking prison.

Botched marriage proposals.

Sitting here in the quiet moments before his wedding to Ian, he knew only good times lay ahead. There was nothing else that could be thrown at them that they wouldn’t be able to get through. He knew that this was it, this was his happy ending with the man he loved.

He was finally getting the only thing he’d ever wanted.

They’d been to hell and back and still his feelings for his ginger giant only grew stronger and stronger with each day. 

And he knew Ian felt the same, despite his initial hesitation to get married. He’d known for years that he and Ian would always be on the same wavelength.

Fuck other boyfriends.

Fuck countries between them.

And fuck ex-wives.

It had always been him and Ian.

“Do we have to talk about your ex-wife while getting ready for our wedding?” Ian asked, giving him a playful glare.

“No, I just...I was just thinking about it. I mean, if I have to marry Debbie, then obviously, I thought about the last time I had to marry a woman.” he paused and laughed sheepishly, “Man, I’ve loved you even back then, though, when I had to marry Svet…”

Ian smiled shyly at him and the look caused Mickey’s heart to race up. His smile widened and he reached a hand up to caress his face unable to fully comprehend that the dream of being with Ian forever was actually becoming a reality. 

He cleared his throat wanting to get rid of the hesitation he was feeling before he told Ian what he wanted to say. “You had asked if I cared about you back then and begged me not to go through with it--”

“Mick--”

“No, come on, let me say this.”

Ian waited patiently as Mickey struggled to continue on. He looked down at their hands, which were still linked and Ian’s long fingers caressed the skin on his wrists. He felt calm and happy as if everything was finally right - even though it wasn’t and the perfect wedding he’d painstakingly planned may or may not fall through with him marrying the wrong Gallagher, but overall, it felt like what he needed and wanted to do.

Marrying Ian Gallagher was the only thing he’d ever wanted to do, he had realized that when Ian had proposed marriage in the first place.

While he’d never been that keen on the idea of marriage, when Ian was involved, he was more than willing to make the leap.

Those daydreams he’d spent 10 years thinking about could finally be played out in real life and Mickey couldn’t help but be a little excited at the possibility of what a life together could be like.

He thought about kids, dogs, houses, leaving Chicago together - when their parols were up, of course.

“I just...I wanted to tell you before we got married that...I thought about this a lot, for a long time. I mean I never really believed in all this marry shit, but...being with you was really all I ever wanted. And I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I missed you a fuck ton, man…” he took a deep breathe as he proceeded with the part that was the hardest for him to say because for some reason it made him feel like a failure. “And back then Terry had threatened you, which is why I did it in the first place. Married, Svet, I mean. I figured just going through with it was the easier option...even if it meant I wasn’t free or whatever.” Mickey struggled to say. He couldn’t believe that even after a few years of progress and his self-loathing disappearing, it was still difficult to be honest about his feelings.

Especially when it had to do with Terry holding him back and making him feel like a freak for being who he was.

Feelings though were something that he’d never been great with.

They were hard after all.

He stared into Ian’s eyes, the familiar green reflecting back at him and he leaned over to kiss him tenderly on the lips, pouring a promise of forever into his mouth.

He pulled away and smiled at Ian’s starry and stunned expression.

“I didn’t--”

“It’s okay, Firecrotch. I couldn’t say it then, so I wanted to say it now.” Mickey said quickly and quietly, not wanting Ian to feel obliged to say anything because of his admission.

Ian blinked rapidly and Mickey saw tears gather in his eyes, so he leaned forward and kissed him gently again and then laid two more kisses on his cheeks.  
“I love you more than anything.” Ian said quietly.

Mickey smiled and kissed him again hard on the lips before standing up. “I know. Come on, you fuckin’ softie, we have a wedding to get to. Let’s get ready.”

Ian smiled up at him and Mickey’s heart swelled with the knowledge that he was going to be married and be with this man forever.


End file.
